I've been drinkin and its got me thinkin

Stolen Heart by Sheley2

I've recently been in a relationship that was absolutely perfect except for a few things that just bothered me so much I let it build up to the point that I ended it without even really thinking it over at all.  It just happened.  I was tired, emotional, and hungry and man I just fucking lost it.  So..  I am a gal who enjoys her space.  I need me time.  I had just come back from a two week vacation where it was all family visiting time all the time.  Which is great and I love my crazy little family to pieces but when I got home all I wanted to do was sleep in, enjoy my crappy little apartment, and love my pets.  I didn't realize how important that was until it was too late.  The other thing that bothers me about dating is this.. if you like someone don't you want to get to know them?  Ask them questions about there life, family, hopes, and dreams.  Isn't that a solid way of showing someone that you really like them?  So if someone doesn't really do those things and says they like you, what the hell are they liking?  This seems to be a recurring thing in my relationships and frankly I'm sick of it.  I'm not fucking compromising on this.  I shouldn't have too!  


So I'm on my own again and I'm OK with that (well you know trying to be).  I know from this relationship experience that I need to learn how to compromise my time a little and be very clear about when I need time on my own.  But I have to also remember an important part of a relationship is spending time together.  Duh.  I've just been so used to doing my own thing and enjoying the daydream of the perfect dude that I forgot that dudes are just like me (messy, emotional, only human) and that I should give real people a chance.  I want someone to like me for who I am not what I am.  I don't want someone to need me to complete them or change them, I want separate but equal, I want someone to be secure in there awesomeness, and most of all I want them to be happy not just because they are in a relationship but because they have someone to share there awesome wonderful life with.  

For me I need to quiet the "this is going to fail voice and enjoy the person I'm with."
Openly communicate and be honest about my feelings.  I also just need to stop worrying about shit.  More positive, less negative.  I need to stop thinking every girl the guy I'm in a relationship introduces me to is just some girl he had a crush on or whatever.  On one hand if someone has constant crushes on people that give them the slightest attention well then they do have issues and maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship until you learn to love yourself, but you know healthy crushes are a part of life and should and do happen.  There were girls before me, I need to get over it.  So here is my letter to the dude.


Dear Dude,
                      I hella miss you.  And I'm sorry I was a dick, I'm sorry I was scared to talk about my wants, I'm sorry I was afraid you didn't really like me, and I'm sorry to say I'm just a messy person too.  I hope while we figure our shit out we can stay friends, and maybe one day meet at Peet's on Market and pick up where fate left us. 
-Layne